


This Time, I Won't Leave

by defendt0pbunk



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, F/F, Genderswap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-19
Updated: 2014-03-19
Packaged: 2018-01-16 07:36:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1337299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/defendt0pbunk/pseuds/defendt0pbunk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe it's somewhere sunny, maybe California.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Time, I Won't Leave

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for my English class, freshman year of high school. My sister really liked it and suggested that I alter it into a Fem!Destiel ficlet.

I remember this clearly. When I was a little girl, I had a doll house. Hours and hours I'd spend putting my dolls through lifetimes; works, kids play. All that happened in that little house. 

I remember that perfectly. The rest, it's a little fuzzy. See somehow I left it outside for a few days. When I went back to play with it,wasps had built a nest in my doll house. It looked like a twisted apple or something. Back then, it was scary, terrifying but I remember thinking, in that little girl way, just like my dolls, wasps needed a place to sleep too, Then my father came home.  
He burnt it all, everything. 

I cried all night long. 

It's funny really, how life works. The thing you try to hold on to, you try to remember, those you end up losing and everything you try to forget or throw away, those are the things that stay.  
Like I said, it's funny. 

My name is Deanna and that's Cassie, Cas loves me. I know it's true because sometimes, It'll be freezing out and I'll want her to look at the sunset and she'll get all pissed because it's cold and we're hungry, but she watches it with me anyway. We've been moving around a lot but lately we're been sticking close to the train station, there's always lots going on there, lots of people, it's easy to disappear in all the travelers. i like that everyone is going to that one place, home, work, where ever it may be. The place where they want to be. The place where they should be and know I know there's a place for me too, and I know I'll be there someday. 

Maybe it's somewhere sunny, maybe California. I know in the future, we'll have a house with lots of food. A big dining room table and refrigerator filled with,beer, wines, cokes. All of it. A dishwasher, a television, A bar, clothes dryers, stereo, home theater;audio, video, internet. All of it. Maybe even a swimming pool. It'll be fucking great! 

When we move into our house, Cassie will have a cool job. It'll pay good. She'll come home after work and read Vogue. I'll make her snacks, cocktails, whatever. Our friends will come over. We'll eat a great dinner on a huge table. It will be warm, maybe in California,maybe when we're set up. 

My friends trip. They've wondered how we've stayed together for so long. It's not just cause we love each other so much. It's because we have a future; we know where we're going.  
It could be worse. We could be in a lot worse places but I get real tired, real easy. I don't tell Cassie because she thinks it's because I'd rather sleep or dream, than deal with thing but she knows. I hope it doesn't worry her,cause we both know we're gonna make something happen soon. 

I think about the future. Not yesterday, not right now, but tomorrow. When we have that one place to ourselves. It's out there for us today, and I'm ready. Cassie too. That's one of the things that keep us together. We both know it's not always going to be like this.  
Someday when we're old, we'll look back at this. We won't laugh. We'll be okay because we went through all this together. We watched over each other, we told each other we loved each other. That's family. That's what matters and that's how I know we'll be okay.  
I know the world is hard and cold and it can hurt you, bad. And I also know it doesn't mean too. It's not personal and you have to try pretty goddamn hard not to take it personally. I know that things can change in and instant. It can go from good to bad in a heartbeat;from bad to worse even faster but they can go the other way too. Things can turn around. It just hasn't happen to us yet,but it will. 

I've never been to California and I don't really know what the house looks like out there but I see our place out there. I know exactly what it looks like. It's bright, really really sunny but a healthy sunshine that just fixes everything. 

We take turns. One night Cassie works. The next it's me. When I started to show, Cassie said she'd do it but I didn't have too. I said no, I mean, fair is fair right? People look at us, judging. Fuck that. They don't have to think about surviving. They don't know what it's like to try and try fucking hard just to live. Besides which is worse, me or the girl who fucks me for 60 bucks, then drives her Honda Civic home that night just to fuck another girl the next night. It's hard. It gets so hard. Because it's like this circle. You do shit to get money so you can get high and forget the shit you did to get the money to get high. I guess if you're old, it's hard to remember. For me forgetting is the hardest part. And I try. I try really really hard. It's a part of survival. You get high, you get by. If I could stop, I would but I can't. I've tried,I just can't. I know, believe me, I know. It's like it helps. It helps so much. I forget all the shit around me and remember that place, that place that's waiting for me. And it's good. It's so fucking good like an orgasm from every pore in your body. You're not hungry, you're not scared. You're warm like that silly movie, you know, fucking Wizard of Oz. The girl lives in some far past and everything is black and white and this tornado comes and picks her house up and when it lands, everything's in color. That's how it is. The world is black and white and dope, fuck, dope's the tornado. 

I have an old photograph. I've kept it for a long long time. I'm at the beach. I must've been six years old. I look pretty stupid in the picture because I'm wearing a little bikini. I remember that day. It was a great,cold day but I still wanted to wear my bathing suit. The photograph is getting really really old. It's yellow it's pretty funny, because even though it was a shitty day then, it looks sunny now. It's so strange how things work. The things you try to hold on too, they're first to go. And all the things you try to throw away, they stay. Everyone has a place, right? The place they want to be, the place they should be and it's all in a safe. I tried and tried. And I found it.  
and was right,  
It's sunny and warm like California.


End file.
